I find this time of year, more than any other, I catch myself muttering under my breath "What an a**hole" and it is so frustrating because I want to bask in holiday cheer and happy thoughts, so when I met Sarah Brabbs, the author of "So People Say you're an A**Hole," I just knew that I wanted to learn more. And as I got to know her, I realized that she has some great stuff to share. Sarah was kind enough to come on and do a guest post to share a bit about what inspired her book, how you can determine if there are people muttering under their breath about you, AND (this is the part I liked most) how you can manage the a**holes in your life!
Let's turn it over to Sarah!
“Can women be assholes?” and “What made you write a book about assholes?!” These are two questions I get asked a lot - so let me answer them here.
First, yes – women can be assholes. In fact, two women closely connected to me were being MAJOR assholes to people I really care about; “So People Say You’re an Asshole: A Book for You, People Who Love You, & People Who Work with You” was inspired by them because I became extremely annoyed watching the damage they wreaked on people I love. For days I asked myself, “What is wrong with people?” and “why are people such assholes?” I thought a lot too – mostly about how it is NOT hard to not be an asshole, what drives people to be difficult, etc. After spending a considerable amount of time thinking this over and discussing it with people I trust (who are not assholes), I decided to take what I know, flip it, and write this book.
You can learn about me and get my book through optimizing-relationshipsstore.com (signed copy – right now use the discount code GIVEME40 & get 40% off), via optimizingrelationships.com (my business), and of course it’s on Amazon, too. I would suggest if you really want to know if it’s a good read for you, just read the introduction on Amazon. The book has three parts; the first part of it is written to the asshole. Typically either an asshole knows they’re an asshole and doesn’t care, or they realize they’re perceived as an asshole, and they do care – at least a little. An asshole often paints himself as the victim. The type of asshole who will be helped reading my book is the latter who is at least a little self-aware; I find these people are missing communicative and behavioral tools (skills), knowledge, and motivation. I provide these things.
The second and third parts of my book are for those in a relationship with an asshole and those who work with – or for – an asshole. I’ve met many people in committed relationships that are deteriorating because someone became an asshole, for instance. Additionally in the workplace, there are many things you should and should not do, as well as information you may not have considered when working with or for an asshole. If you hired an asshole, you have a special problem – one that’s best not to bury your head in the sand about, as she can really negatively impact your organization.
I also hear all the time, “Wow – a book about me! How did you know?” Most people are joking. But this underscores just how much we can all identify with having a difficult person in our lives.
Follow @sarahbrabbsassholebook on Instagram & like facebook.com/optimizingrelationships.com to see what I’m up to. Check out optimizingrelationships.com for speaking and training information.
Some advice? At work, know that an asshole thrives on power – their own personal power or their actual positional power. Understanding this will help you navigate that relationship. In a romantic relationship, it’s best NOT to focus on the negative; if you want to stay and want it to get better, then there are things you can do to help this happen. If YOU are the asshole, your life and the lives of those around you can become better if you get on this now – don’t wait until you’re 70 and looking back on your life, wishing you had made some changes. Do it now.
Have a great end to your 2016!
The struggle is real, folks, and Sarah's book will help! I am looking forward to reading it. How about you? Let us know in the comments below.
Until next time,